So I’m still in hospital after surgery, but doing well. I had 4 drains, they were taken out today. I’m looking at getting out tomorrow. I’ve had good days and bad. The meds have given me a bit of a bloated belly but I know that will go again when I’m better. I was so proud before surgery when I could see roughly a shape happening in my middle. I also very much appreciate having a stronger core as it’s made hospital much easier. Particularly balancing on a bed pan when I couldn’t get out of bed.
I’m not in much pain which is good. Other than the stronger happy stuff they gave me to take out the drains, I’m pretty much on panadol. Happy I’ve a high pain tolerance.
My boy has been worried and fretting. His mum mad a comment about not happy looking out the dogs that has really stressed him. I don’t get people that are all upset that you aren’t calling to give hourly or whatever the fuck they want updates. It’s not about them, it’s about me and my boy. Dealing with this situation we’re in. It’s emotionally and physically hard and I don’t have the time or patience for things. I’ll find someone else to look after the dogs next time.
But overall very positive, I’m sure there will be tears the first time I get dressed in normal clothes. Over all I can do this. Just heal and we start reconstruction.
Well time for an update. I started the course I wanted cert 3 in fitness. Loving it. But my date for double mastectomy has come up so the course will take 18week not 9. Teachers being hugely supportive as I told the day 1 that I had gotten my hospital dates the week before. So I only get 2 weeks of class then when I come back do theory topics, then physical topics when I have docs approval. Won’t be able to do something’s till the 6-8 weeks after surgery mark.
Bad news is one of my scans this year showed changing tissue, so I may have to get a biopsy before surgery. I’ll find out Friday when I see my specialist surgeon. But well I already agreed the boobs are going. I’m just hoping for loosing as few lymph nodes as possible. Even though I’m having this surgery by choice due to genes she’s still checking them to be sure, by removing a couple.
Good news is it is starting to sound like the waking up after surgery is less painful then my sleeve surgery. So that’s something.
Unless there’s new from the specialist I’ll update when I’m home from surgery in a couple of weeks.
Terrified I have my date. I don’t want to know about it but it’s finally here. The hospital called. My year wait list has passed. My numbers up. The fuck they going to take my boobs. I don’t want it but it’s the best thing for me. I can do this but it’s so hard.
Good days and bad days. Got all the yearly tests coming up for breasts. Don’t want to know about them. But it’s the last time so that’s good. Have check ups with both surgeons next month. Also starting my course. I’m terrified of going but it will be worth it. I want this. Keep positive keep feeling like I’m moving forwards only panic when I stop.
Work is good and different. It’s hard doing the people interaction but it works. I only am rostered in Sundays but I keep picking up extra shifts as people are sick or away at the moment.
I went swimming, the world is good now.
Started dropping again. Finally below 90kg at 89.2. But below 90 been stuck there way to long.
After fainting I realised I can’t just ignore what I eat and drink. Have to get my water intake. And near 2 weeks of highly processed foods at the mother in laws didn’t do me any good. I’m happy to be home and back to my fresh food. I tried to see what I could do with her food but she just kept trying to make me stuff. Like my poor lamb and dumpling stew. She used the ingredients she knew and made a bland much with chewy boiled meat, then asked me if I liked it. It was dreadful. It made me sick due to the amount of oil from the meat in the broth. I just avoided the question. I was really hurt I was looking forward to cooking that meal. I’d brought fresh rosemary got all the bits I needed and shed used none of it. Just shove meat and frozen the damn pea, carrot corn mix in water and boil to death. Frozen veg have no place in stew. The freezing process breaks down the cell structure of the veg so it doesn’t go to nice soft veg when cooked for a long time. It goes to weird mush. Carrots are really bad.
Alright I’ll stop complaining I think I just needed to ramble as I had held it all in.
Well I’m still jobless. I have good and bad days. While I’d love to work out hard everyday sometime my head gets in the way. I am also trying to be more social. It’s hard. Not working and spending long hours alone means I have to watch I don’t slip back into social anxiety. I know its easy when it’s like this.
Goals achieved though. Got my Phoenix tattoo on my back. Big goal. I wanted to do it for ages and thought I wanted to do something big to change my body before the surgery. Feel I have more choice as to what my body looks like. Why a Phoenix well to me it’s wild and free and has a fiery temper. I also wanted to have wings seeing I’ve been engel for so long. If I wear the right top now all you can see it the wings.
Other goal I’m enrolled to do cert 3 in fitness. Goal is to be a personal trainer. But other goal is to know more about how my body works. It’s a really big interest and I want as much information as possible so studying it sounds like a good idea.
From my original sketch to the almost finished work. The artist really listened and altered the bits that needed work.